The ultimate purposelessness

I want what I can’t have

2011-07-01T23:36:00.000+05:30

Don’t lie. You want the same. You were just pragmatic enough to compromise. And even if for a moment you thought that you have what you wanted, give it another moment. It’ll soon pass.

The Cruel Evolution: It never lets the feeling of satisfaction linger for long. It wants us to keep moving, keep growing, keep aspiring for the next level. We keep crossing milestones, one after the other, never arriving at the destination.

You kept thinking that you just need to achieve X which Mr. A possessed. And since Mr. A seemed happy, you thought X truly is the source of happiness. Little did you know that Mr. A was running after Y which Mr. B had. These X’s and Y’s were almost anything. They were a candy for a kid, a girl for a man, a book for a scholarly or money for probably all of us and so on... Pluralistic ignorance at its very best.

There are only 2 resolutions:
• End up alone/lonely and wise, or
• Ignore the nagging truth, eat, drink, make merry and gloat like a pig.

Any half-wit can see how the latter option is a million times better than the former one. But here’s the catch. You cannot unlearn.
They say that sweet are the uses of adversity. However, the fruit from the tree of knowledge is bitter and will result in your fall from paradise.
If you weren’t lucky enough to make an impenetrable shell around you to keep yourself safe from all the wisdom, the damage is already done.

So is there nothing you can do about it?
Well, if history is to be believed, anything can be achieved by cheating.
Cheaters and liars established empires and created religions (each so stupid that no sane person could have believed in them even in an extremely inebriated state).

Got it? Cheat yourself.
It’s easier than what you think, at least for you.

My job is slightly harder though. Flip side of possessing superior intellect :)

Charlie Schulz Forward

2011-04-19T23:21:00.001+05:30

There is a popular forward running around internet possibly created by Charlie Schulz. It asks you to name people who have achieved wonders in life Vs people who affected your personal life (teachers, friends etc).

As I found the line of reasoning to be essentially flawed and illogical, I framed a long reply to one such forward. Feeling sorry for the poor girl who forwarded this email as a nice gesture and earned my clinical, unemotional, rational reply. I am posting the reply below without editing.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Call me materialistic but I think people who changed many lives are still more important than people who changed just my life.
As for the questions, here are my thoughts:
1.Name the five wealthiest people in the world: Bill Gates, Carlos Slim, Warren Buffet, Lakshmi Mittal, Mukesh Ambani (I can even talk for at least 10 minutes to 1 hour about each one of them)

2.Name the last five Heisman trophy winners: Not so popular around here.

3.Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant: Never cared for beauty pageants

4.Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize: can easily name the 6 Indians/ Indian origin people winning Nobel (CV Raman, S Chandrasekhar, Mother Teresa, Tagore, Hargobind Khurana, Naipaul) and few others like Einstein, Feynman, Fleming, Samuelson. As for Pulitzer, I know Bob Dylan got it a couple of years back.

5.Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress: I am not so good with chronology. But I can surely name lots of Oscar winners. Recently being Portman, Winslet, Sean Penn and many others.

6.Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners: Again, don’t care about it.

Everyone has answers for the questions below because they are personal questions. It takes outstanding achievement to be remembered by those whose lives one didn’t directly affect. The people above managed to do so.
So I don’t care about Charlie Schulz or his Peanuts. Never get those Charlie Brown jokes anyway. Calvin can kick their ass anyday.
And yes I put special efforts to write this reply because this forward bugged me earlier as well. Also, I hadn’t written anything in a while.
Thanks for the forward and I hope you’d appreciate my two pence as well.

Cheers,
Ashu

I M Pissed

2011-01-12T20:02:00.001+05:30

One of the age-old cliché, “Impossible = I M Possible” which several people use and try to shamelessly flaunt their stupidity along with baseless optimism has been the source of my dislike towards such nitwits for a long time.

Firstly using ‘M’ for ‘am’: how old are these idiots really?

Secondly if we keep breaking words in the above fashion, what do we get?
Improper = I M Proper
Impotent = I M Potent
Impatient = I M Patient
Impartial = I M Partial and so on.

It can get worse:
Impeach = I M Peach
Impaired = I M Paired
Impress = I M Press

You catch my drift.
The prefix ‘im-’ is added to denote the antonym just like ‘il-’, ‘un-’, ‘in-’ or ‘ir-‘. But a simple fact like that which should be taught to kids in primary school is too difficult to grasp for these murderers of language.

This reminds me of another incident. Recently, Delhi was painted by Kotak Mahindra’s idiotic ad campaign celebrating their 25th anniversary. The banners show a young individual in early 20s with a caption “Its grt 2 b 25”. So the stupid admen want us to think that 25 year olds can’t write a simple five-word long sentence without spelling 4 of them in a rather retarded fashion.
Sadly, I think they are right and the world is full of idiots who consider wrong spelling fashionable and cool.

Möbius strip

2010-10-24T01:56:00.000+05:30

I feel like I am walking on a Möbius strip. I keep ending up with the same questions and issues. The destination always eludes me. I always arrive late. Should I keep walking the unconventional path or switch to the more conventional one. Perhaps, I never chose the unconventional path and it just happened. And perhaps I have always just been trying to switch to the conventional path.

Will I manage to change my path? Will I manage to be truly happy, finally?

The dual nature is disastorous.

Freedom of expression

2010-07-19T02:44:00.001+05:30

Freedom of expression was never as loud as it is today due to internet and social networking. Of course I respect certain people who post beautiful insights. But I am not going to discuss them. This post is dedicated to stupid people aka pseudo-intellectuals (henceforth abbreviated as lectuals for my ease).
It is really difficult to differentiate the lectuals from the real intellectuals. After all, the sole purpose of a lectual is to pretend to be intellectual. Lectuals do one or more of the below mentioned things:
• Post lyrics of great songs without understanding the meaning and out of context
• Post non-sequitur (out of context) replies to smart status messages
• Post stupid messages (about love, life, universe and everything else) that look philosophical on surface level
• Declare watching a smart movie by a stupid pun (There must be at least 50,000 people across the globe with the status message “Incepted”)
• More to be added (suggestions are welcome as long as they are not non-sequiturs)
My soul cringes with pain when I see such messages. Thankfully, these networking sites offer a beautiful functionality called “Hide”. I keep hiding these lectuals but sometimes a sequence of involuntary clicks takes me to their profile. You can imagine the amount of pain I go through by the fact that I am dedicating an entire post to such lectuals.

I sincerely hope I don’t have to witness the onset of the idiocracy phenomenon in my lifetime.
Thanks to all those who give more than a moment’s thought before posting a status message.

Days of our lives

2010-07-07T22:43:00.002+05:30

Most of the times in our lives we have no idea what we want or rather what we need. We eat what makes us ill, read what makes us dumb, watch movies that are boring and spend time with people who hurt us one way or the other.

But there are times when we really crave for something: an ice cream, a book, a movie, that someone. We want it so passionately that it becomes our need. Those are some of the most wonderful times of our lives. We may not get what we want, but those are the times when we know what we want. Those are the times we understand ourselves the most. Those are also the times when we are most vulnerable because we may not have enough money to buy that ice cream or the means to spend our time with that person.

What happens when you get what you want?

How would I know, I haven’t gotten it yet.

Mysterious beauty

2010-06-28T03:38:00.002+05:30

She was pretty and perhaps was the beauty of her university or her neighborhood. But when I imagined looking at her from the eyes of other people who knew her well, a kind of weariness settled on her face. Those who have known her since she was young, innocent and immature; they who knew everything about her: some of them were involved with her, some of them hated her and some of them still admired her or were perhaps even obsessed with her.
A veil of all those images settled on her face, held in place by the weight of memories.

With the loss of mystery, her beauty blurred. What's funny is that I did not even know the mystery but I believed some surely did. I extrapolated it to everything else I have admired or appreciated in my life even slightly. I realized how I miss out on the real, enchanting beauty adorned by the right amount of mystery.

Removing the layers of mystery does not reveal the beauty rather blurs it with the weariness of other's memories.

Desire and Dreams

2010-05-17T03:32:00.000+05:30

What are you doing here?
What do you want?
Is it music?
We can play music.
But you want more.
You want something & someone new.
Am I right?
Of course I am.
You want ecstasy
Desire & dreams.
Things not exactly what they seem.
I lead you this way, he pulls that way.
I'm not singing to an imaginary girl.
I'm talking to you, my self.
Let's recreate the world.
The palace of conception is burning.

Look. See it burn.
Bask in the warm hot coals.

You're too young to be old
You don't need to be told
You want to see things as they are.
You know exactly what I do
Everything

~
Jim Morrison

Coffee Shops in Powai

2010-04-16T02:33:00.003+05:30

Remember ‘Friends’? This super hit TV series from the nineties became hugely popular owing to its fun characters. We all wanted them to be our friends and enjoy a coffee at their favorite hangout Central Perk. Most of the people know at least one person who resembles at least one of those six endearing friends. Now I’m sure you’d have a lot of great friends but where do you hang out with them? Powai has 4 different coffee shops constantly bustling with teenagers and corporate alike. Which one is your Central Perk?
1. Café Coffee Day aka CCD
This same old regular coffee shop from Karnataka is the largest coffee chain in India and has been there for the longest time. This chain mushroomed in every corner of the city. In fact Powai has two of them, one in Hiranandani (near Vodafone shop) and one opposite the lake (below Jughead’s aka Fuel). It has everything a typical coffee shop should have and nothing else. Standard coffee, standard food, standard chairs, standard (popular) music, standard prices: overall a standard coffee shop. Nothing in this place grabs my interest. However, I go there once in a while for a change.
At one point of time, this used to be a cheaper alternative of Barista but I doubt if low price is its USP anymore. You may often spot a bunch of geeky IITians there with books before their mid-semester exams.
On the plus side, CCD offers a good range of cold coffees, various readymade sandwiches and snacks. If you quickly want to grab a coffee and a snack, then this place is apt. You may choose to sit in the air-conditioned interiors or open air surroundings, but this place is worth trying.
USP (especially for chocolate lovers): Chocolate Fantasy and Sizzling Brownie Sundae.
2. Aromas
Great location, good ambience, decent coffee and good food. If I would have opened a coffee shop, this location would be it. Situated at the broad junction opposite D-Mart, Aromas offer the best view of Hiranandani. This popular coffee chain from Australia presents a huge selection of Tea, coffee and Italian food from bruschettas to Pizzas. A range of wine and beer makes Aromas a café lounge rather than a coffee shop. Like CCD, Aromas also provide both inside and outside seating which I find quite comfortable.
The thing I appreciate in Aromas the most would be their breakfast menu. Aromas offer a separate breakfast menu till 11 am which I find quite difficult to get owing to my nocturnal habitat. I once managed to grab their breakfast. Scrambled eggs with thin toast with butter and jam, French toasts and pancakes made a delicious sumptuous breakfast.
Next time you want to catch up with an old friend while watching an IPL match, Aromas would be a great option.
USP: Breakfast
3. Gloria Jeans
Another Australian franchise and the youngest member of the coffee shops in Hiranandani. I had no idea coffee was so popular in Australia. This place is usually inhabited by corporate employees working on their laptops and their presence adds to its urban feel. I would rate this joint as a slightly uppity version of CCD. Good coffee and great snacks make this place a must visit. Located on a happening lane with stores like Crossword and food joints like Dominos, MOD and subway, GJ has a very corporate appeal.
They offer great customer schemes like Gloria Jeans’ card. The card is punched each time you buy a coffee. For 10 coffees, you get the 11th absolutely free. Gloria has no outside seating which quite goes with its urban theme. You may however grab a take-away and enjoy it while sitting on one of those comfortable benches opposite to the shop. The place is recommended especially if you want to have a professional meeting.
Tip: Visit Gloria on Tuesdays and your card will be punched twice for each coffee.
4. Mocha
This description of Mocha will be biased. Mocha has been my Central Perk since the time I was studying in IIT. Smoking flavored Sheesha (hookah) in an Arabic setting with house music and sometimes classical rock (Doors and Beatles) in the background can be the most relaxing alternative. Mocha is true to its tagline: Coffee and Conversations. The place has a very comfortable feel and you can spend hours chatting here sipping on your café latte. The furniture and wall color here is unique and adds to its eclectic appeal.
Mocha offers some exotic foods like paninis and wraps along with great tasting omelets, French crepes, Italian pasta and much more. The food is rich and scrumptiously delicious. What’s more, this is the only other coffee shop (besides Aromas) with a range of beer and wine on its menu. The staff is friendly (Ricky, Pandit, Rupesh etc) but what really sets this place apart is its spacious smoking section. Not only mocha is the only Sheesha joint in this locality, but it’s a true heaven for smokers who love hours-long conversations over coffee and cigarettes (any reference to Jim Jarmusch’s movie is purely coincidental). No wonder, mocha loyalists go past Gloria and Aromas up to Galleria and climb a flight of stairs to be at their favorite destination.
The desserts are plenty and heavenly. This place is a favorite among couples, tourists and intellectuals alike and in my opinion the only place that has the potential to become a Central Perk.
USP: Smoking zone for smokers and everything else for the rest of the people.
5. Bonus: Chai/Coffee stall for insomniacs
It’s 2:00 am in the morning and you can’t sleep. You are hungry too and worse, you ran out of cigarettes. The chai stall near D’Mart provides delicious snacks (Dabheli, Poha etc) with chai/chhas and of course cigarettes. This stall essentially for call centre employees used to operate all night. Recently however, I suppose it is open till 2:00 am and then again from 4:00 am onwards.
Various cyclewallahs with their extra sweet tea & coffee around Pizza Hut and NTPC are great friends of insomniacs too.
USP: They serve you in the wee hours of morning, what more do you want?

Published here: Guide to Coffee Shops in Powai

Life isn’t complicated

2010-02-26T01:28:00.004+05:30

I hardly noticed her for a while. Then I noticed her nose-ring. Dangling in an uncommon way. Then, I noticed her. She spoke about something. Her speech seemed as if she had rehearsed it for days. Yet, her delivery was smooth. She noticed me. We both smiled at each other. The smiles conveyed we understand each other. Without uttering a word to each other, we communicated. The look we shared conveyed “You seem so familiar, yet there is an unfathomable charm about you.”
We talked. We just confirmed what I mentioned above. We made some unspoken promises about knowing more about each other. Then we departed.
She probably is a good person. If I were what I was 5 years back, we’d have had embarked on a mundane, temporal yet greatly enjoyable relationship already. I wonder what would transpire if we meet now.
I know she is thinking about it too.
Life isn’t complicated. Complicated is an over-simplified term.
PS: Nose-ring is the most adorable piece of jewelry that adorns a woman.

A poem that I like...

2010-02-15T02:21:00.000+05:30

I'd like to write a poem that I like,
that is loved by everyone alike.
Even after reading it for a thousand times,
there shouldn't be a word 'd strike,

I can express myself in prose.
But whenever I try verse, I can't compose.
The art of poetry eludes me always,
my poems get less 'oohs' and more 'ohs'.

I want to write like Wilde and Frost too.
Like Eliot, Plath, Tesdale and Hughes.
I want my poetry to be so subtle
and so deep that none can see-through.

-
Alien

Welcome to Disillusionment 101

2010-01-20T12:19:00.000+05:30

God is a myth.
The myths are just myths.
The emotions are just chemical reactions.
Miracles are just defective perceptual experiences.
Nothing is perfect.
They say, “An unsatisfied Socrates is better than a satisfied pig.”
They say, “Ignorance is bliss.”
Contradictions.
Ignore ‘They’.
Greatness is overrated.
Some slightly evolved species, modifying a miniscule fraction of the space-time continuum.
Some slightly evolved species, hardwired to procreate and eternally horny, dying to copulate even with contraceptives.
Let’s get rid of our brain-washed, social-conditioned selves.
Let’s all be disillusioned.
Let nihilism be your guiding light.
Let true darkness prevail.
You can fool yourself, dance like a hedonistic pig and die happy.
Or you can face the eternal truth.
Choice is yours.
But if ‘ignorance’ is your pick, don’t over-congratulate yourself too much.
The fact is it doesn’t really matter.

Fossils

2010-01-06T12:53:00.002+05:30

Dated: 16th Feb 2006
Octavia was in white. She looked perfect.
Odin (King of Gods) was in ... Well, doesn’t matter. It’s always her that matters.
She was stupid and he of course must be stupid.
They both went up the stairs.
Sitting on the stairs. Under the starry-starry skies.
Looking in her starry-starry eyes. (That’s not a simile. Her eyes really gleamed wonderfully in the dark).
She smelt like strawberries.
They spoke for a while. And then both of them became silent.
No. They were not the silent type. They were the finest entertainers who together could make the world dance on their tunes.
Odin had a feeling it’s a mirage. He knew he would find someone someday, who he could address as "the embodiment of every graceful fancy his mind has ever been acquainted with."
And when Octavia is sitting right next to him, when it is the most romantic time of his life; his power of speech fails him.
All he can think of is to embrace her tight; so tight that he can stop time and never let go of it.
He wants to do that but the silence that has been prevailing since past few minutes (which seemed like centuries to him) is making him even more hesitant.
They are really boring. Odin even talked about how it is the female mosquitoes that suck our blood and males simply live on plant juices. And she laughed at it saying she knows about it. After all, Octavia is the goddess of the science of Life.
Oh! talked a lot about Odin (who doesn’t really deserve so many words; we go back to Octavia).
Well just like Odin, even my power of expression fails me to describe what a divine beauty she was. She was the most delicate piece of beauty that has ever been so close to Odin. She might break or get spoiled if he would touch her.
He was really scared of that fact, so he kept his hands off her for some more time.
If the other gods were watching them, they would have gotten really bored by now.
Odin finally managed to ask Octavia.
"Can I hug you?”
Octavia opened both her arms just like that yahoo emoticon with a smile.
Odin reached heaven instantly, or may be moksha or nirvana or whatever the highest state of happiness is.
They sat like that and then she brushed her lips on his hand.
And Odin rose from the ground went up to the space and the heavens above.
and maybe higher than that, in a complete state of imperturbability.
After that whatever occurred, Odin forgot completely, so even I can’t tell that.
But Odin still feels a shiver whenever he thinks of that day, embedded in his memory like a Fossil..
I don’t know why he makes such a big fuss about what would barely pass as a 'make-out' in today's world. As for Octavia, she probably doesn’t even remember the day.
Guess some people are just stupid. Just like Odin ~~and Octavia~~.

Christmas and the aftermath

2009-12-29T12:19:00.000+05:30

For the first time in my life, Christmas was celebrated with lots of dancing. Not like grooving in a club, randomly shifting body-weight from one leg to the other but real dancing viz. salsa, rock n roll, cha cha and foxtrot. It was fun doing the SusieQ.

Anyway, to experience a contrast and to make this post lot more interesting, I went to get my tooth extracted the very next day. I had figured sometime back how this tooth was growing at an angle and needed to be removed and recently started paining due to the infection. To cut a long story short I was soon lying down on the dentist chair, mouth wide open, eyes tight shut and hands clenching the handles with all the force possible.

There were times when dentists used to extract teeth without any anesthesia. Just a thought of it sends chills to my spine. The tricky thing though is that you still feel that twinge when the anesthetic is injected in your gums. I found this quite ironic. I am not scared of needles but getting poked inside my mouth is not my idea of fun either. I am suddenly reminded of Jim Jarmusch's "Coffee and Cigarettes" where a character asks Roberto Benigni to take his place at the dentist's appointment. All the dentist jokes are now coming to my head which I cannot very well remember. I never found the humor in them till I was on that seat.

Back to reality now. I can hear words like suction, water, sound of a motor, such a cooperative kid, made no sound. How exactly am I supposed to yell with a tiny dental clinic sitting in my oral territory? I am manipulating myself to think about universe, cosmos, & space and how on some trivial planet, some trivial people are busy with some trivial tasks like dental surgery. To my pleasure, the ordeal got over quicker than I imagined. In my half conscious state, I refused to take my extracted teeth home, a decision I regretted later. I slept like a log under the effect of the effective analgesics. Woke up next day to find a rather asymmetric face which I captured in pictures.

Moral of the story: Visit your dentist regularly.

Love: The way I understand it

2009-11-12T02:34:00.001+05:30

We all need a bit of magic, something divine, supernatural, empowering, and enchanting in our mundane life. As Woody Allen says, “I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.”

Theists have a great privilege of witnessing God in almost anything. For some people a bit of cleanliness is almost as good as godliness. However, life gets a bit too methodical and predictable for a logical atheist. The possibilities of witnessing a miracle are remote if you discount a few coincidences.

A second magical possibility conceived almost as good as God and sometimes even better is Love.
Plausibly one of the most misunderstood words, like few others. Or rather everybody just understands it differently.

Love is often discredited as a trick played by hormones while sometimes it is diminished to a level to be used only as a protective cover for carnal desires. A person I knew considers the self-sacrificing, unconditional, divine love as nothing but a marketing gimmick that probably sold and is still selling myriads of books, movies, music and various other art forms.
Confession: I grew up on Shahrukh Khan’s movies.

It may be a slight exaggeration because I certainly have also been influenced by some of the finest filmmakers including Woody Allen, Tim Burton, Guru Dutt, Vijay Anand, Vishal Bhardwaj etc.

And well, it may sound childish but I interpreted the meaning of Love from his movies. The unconditional love where the hero like a naive poker player bets his farm (goes all in) and leaves the table with an amazing win. It’s not about the conquest or about taking the prettiest girl home or being the most fun person. It’s about those feelings and emotions that I experience when I witness a character whose passion makes him larger than life. The person who has an access to a never-ending source of love that never dries off. A person who achieves the unimaginable just to make his beloved smile for a moment longer.

Quite a few acquaintances of mine consider him to be a bad actor, but in my opinion I have yet to see an actor who can romance as passionately as Shahrukh. Someone who can convey only with a look “I will fly to the sun back and forth a million times for you. I will fight Superman and even beat him for you. I will make you feel to be the most wonderful person in the entire cosmos.”

I had a few amorous affairs myself. I treated a couple of them as princesses too but needless to say, real life was much too disappointing.

But I am not complaining. I still relish and will possibly keep relishing watching the romantic antics of the person who defined romance for me and for contemporary cinema.
Summarising with a bit of Charles Dickens “You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy my mind has ever become acquainted with.”

Zenzi Salsa Night

2009-10-19T01:44:00.000+05:30

I attended the sunday salsa night at zenzi for the first time. It sure was a great experience.
Seeing so many talented dancers from various schools was absolutely impressive.
And I got to watch Kaytee dance live for the first time. Loved his flawless and extremely graceful dancing.
I managed to get a compliment from a girl on my dancing which was all I could ask for at this stage.

Would like to do it more often in future.

Strawberry Fields Forever

2009-10-14T15:39:00.000+05:30

It is just a sham.
Everything I like/dislike, love/hate is programmed into my head by social conditioning.
Food,
Drinks,
Smokes,
Art,
People,
Just about everything, all preferences are consequences of programming.

Good to know we are all manipulated, including the ones who think they are the manipulators.

Nothing is real and Nothing to get hung about

Everyone is choosy...

2009-10-01T14:19:00.000+05:30

Everyone is choosy. Some compromise, some don't. Those who don't, define attitude...
This is the concept I came up with while doing one of my favorite pastimes, gchat with a very good friend of mine. Yes we all know we are all choosy. Some a bit less, some a bit more. There is always a degree involved. As Wikipedia defines “attitude is a hypothetical construct that represents an individual's degree of like or dislike for an item.” But I am not talking about the likes and dislikes, positive and negative attitude towards things. I am talking about Attitude.
The thing I want to emphasize is that people who don’t compromise are the ones who define attitude. This word is one of those commonly misused word and that makes it harder to define. In a discussion with another friend, I realized how people who are choosy demonstrate attitude. Ever felt that your friend who refused to join you for lunch has attitude because s/he found the place inferior to her/his tastes. Not a very good example of attitude, well let’s take a few others.
Indian freedom fighters (Gandhi or Bose, pick whoever you like) lived a harsh life and struggled throughout because they were choosy about who governs them. Andrew Carnegie, the second wealthiest person ever, chose to draw only $50,000 per year and gave the rest away to philanthropy. Remember Rahul (Shahrukh Khan) from “Dil To Pagal Hai”, who never compromised for his Maya? Lord Buddha relinquished all the luxuries because he chose wisdom over worldly pleasures.
There are tons of such examples and all the great achievers possessed attitude.
I regret every time I compromise and always learn from every such situation.
Yes, I do have Attitude.

No Direction Home

2009-09-17T14:54:00.000+05:30

I am at work and do not want to work. I do not want to do anything. I am feeling directionless. I want to just listen to Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, CCR, Steppenwolf and of course, The Beatles. I want to be teleported to Woodstock ’69. I want to spend time with some really interesting and nice people and smoke. I want to just be.

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn’t you?
Peopled call, say, beware doll, you’re bound to fall
You thought they were all kiddin you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin out
Now you don’t talk so loud
Now you don’t seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You’ve gone to the finest school all right, miss lonely
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you’re gonna have to get used to it
You said you’d never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He’s not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns
When they all come down and did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain’t no good
You shouldn’t let other people get your kicks for you
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a siamese cat
Ain’t it hard when you discover that
He really wasn’t where its at
After he took from you everything he could steal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They’re drinkin, thinkin that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts and things
But you’d better lift your diamond ring, you’d better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you cant refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You’re invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
~ Bob Dylan

I am just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told

2009-09-04T12:35:00.000+05:30

It suddenly dawned on me, I am average. I know it’s perfectly normal. I also know that all big achievers are normal people. And like all average people, they had slightly unusual dreams and the eccentricity to realize them. I dream unusual, spectacular, magical dreams too. However, I am not eccentric enough and I don’t want to be. This at times, makes me feel a bit uneasy. The feeling of being an average Joe who is not a social misfit. Who is also not one with the system. And I don’t mind being in this awkward place, but sometimes it gets a bit lonely. At times, I feel like an alien from the “3rd rock from the sun”, trying to mingle with the inhabitants of this planet, without being one of them.
I live in a crazy world. A world where inanimate objects play peek-a-boo with me by appearing and disappearing. A world of teleportation and time travel. A world where it’s just me and then at other times, dozens of crazy people like me. A world where love is not just a chemical reaction in the brain or an upsurge of hormones. A world that cannot be imagined by anyone.

After all, our imaginations are nothing but an extrapolation of our past experiences.

My world is nothing like we have ever known. So different that it cannot be expressed with the words from this world.
There I am, an average and normal guy, who thinks crazy stuff and believes it to be unique like all normal people.

Some more absurd thoughts...

2009-08-17T15:30:00.000+05:30

Just read about this adventurer in Paul Auster’s “The New York Trilogy”, who was trapped inside an igloo with hungry wolves waiting outside for a feast. On the other hand, the weather inside the igloo was so chilly that his breaths were freezing on the walls. He noticed the igloo was getting smaller with each passing breath and the walls were closing in on him. He had to breathe to live and each breath was one step closer to his destruction. Catch 22. Needless to say, he survived to mention this incidence in his autobiography.
But aren’t we all leading ourselves to a similar eternal damnation with each passing breath. Only in his case, the journey to the unwanted destination was much faster and much more apparent. There is nothing we can do to stop it. In the end we are all cold debris of waste. It seems that the only solution is offered by absurdism. Realizing the stupidity and insignificance of the world around you, the solution is not to make a quick exit but to complete the journey while appreciating the meaninglessness of everything.

Internet Humor:Funny Servant Ad not supposed to be funny

2009-06-16T13:40:00.001+05:30

There is a lot of humor available on internet. However, most of the times, the most humorous things I encounter weren't supposed to be funny at all. An example of this is below. It is a real posting that I found on Craigslist, Mumbai.
Do you think, you are suave enough to use this man's services?

The Look

2009-06-10T18:59:00.000+05:30

Strephon kissed me in the spring,
Robin in the fall,
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all.

Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,
Robin's lost in play,
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day.

Sara Teasdale [1884-1933]

[Stumbled onto this poem during college. Some writers need very few words to say a lot]

Smoking quotes

2009-05-11T17:50:00.000+05:30

If I would ever write fiction, some of my characters will hopefully speak some lines like this:
• Quitters are losers, Never quit smoking.
• Give a man a cigarette, the way he holds it is the way he'll hold you.
• A man, who can't be loyal to his cigarettes can't be loyal to his women.
• More to be added later…

Reminiscences (including 2009 goa and pondy trip)

2009-04-27T17:50:00.001+05:30

28th Jan
Just one more day to go and then the free bird shall fly.
30th Jan
Meeting her on 28th was both pleasant and confusing. Mafalda kinda messed up the plan. In train to Bangalore just now. Mostly boring people around. Have absolutely no idea what my travel plans are. Will hopefully meet SKG.
I need interesting people around me to have fun. Hope I find them and the trip becomes interesting.
31st Jan
I got stoned as soon as I entered SKG’s house. Thought of crashing at his place for the night but it didn’t work out. So I left for Pondy the same night.
1st Feb
Finally managed to find a decent accommodation soon after I reached pondy. A visit to an ATM helped me realize that I have lost my debit card probably in Bombay.
Sitting on the rocks, facing the sea. With few thousand bucks I withdrew from my credit card, seeing insects I have never seen, I’m sitting here all confused.
Everything seems unreal. I’ve no idea of what am I gonna do here. Thinking of going to Goa from here and then straight to my home, Bombay.
In Le’ Café just now. It’s kinda open from the sides and extremely hot and sunny.
1st Feb continued…
Met a few Canadians (2girls, 1guy). French speaking and quite interesting. Sipping beer, smoking cigarettes and an intellectual discussion. Will plan my Goa trip tomorrow.
Debit card loss was a huge setback but thankfully I could get money using the credit card.
Back in the hotel at 11. Wondering if smoking up would be a cool idea.
4th Feb
Arambol:
One of the most beautiful locations I have ever seen. Beautiful hut on the beach, rocks, sea, sunset, coconut trees; everything is unreal. The whole trip has been like that.
Met a crazy Austrian couple on the bus journey to Goa. Smoked up on the way. I had never imagined writing a journal, lying on the bed and watching the grand sea through the door.
I’m alone but not lonely. It’s so natural to imagine someone to be with you at moments like these. But I suppose I should learn to start liking this kind of life.
(I was really fortunate to get a hut like this. Most of the people here avoid providing any accommodation to Indians. We’ve earned quite a bad reputation for ourselves unfortunately.)
The beach is a treat to your eyes. Saw tourists doing yoga, dancing, playing volleyball, running nude. I was swimming in the sea with my sleeveless vest in one hand. Soon I realized it’s no more with me. I suppose the sea here doesn’t like people with clothes.
Lonely planet is outdated. A lot of information is outdated or incomplete. So I’m at this place ‘Rice Bowl’ which is supposed to be delicious and as cheap as Rs 30 for a dish. Well, the rates sure have doubled or trebled. Hope at least the food is satisfactory.
Now the noodles are there and the guy has given me chop-sticks while I’m stoned out of my wits. Hope it works.
5th Feb
It was a nice day on the beach. Hanging out with Morten, Danish guy. A smart girl sold him some cheap jewelry for Rs 200. And then she gave him a small bracelet as a compliment and he bought her a maaza.
Nice laid back atmosphere here. Too lazy to move to Anjuna. So I’ll probably go for some bike riding and check out some new beach. And then will head back to Pune or Mumbai.
7th Feb
Last one hour in Goa. Sitting at the bus stop. Yesterday’s bike ride was good fun. Anjuna and Mandrem were nice as well. Having the muscle-pull since last couple of days.
Things went pretty good anyhow.
12th Feb
Met her last night with Arsh. They didn’t gel well. After talking to her for a while, the more I was talking to her, the more I was realizing that she and I are still not a possibility. It made me extremely mellow and vulnerable.
After drinking with my friends, I so wanted to call her and let her know of my stupid emotions and feelings.
Nevermind.
It’s morning again and yesterday’s thoughts are rushing to me.
I’ll manage.

Fan Chan aka My Girl (2003)

2009-04-23T17:22:00.000+05:30

I recently saw a Thai movie called My Girl (Fan Chan) on World Movies. The movie is about a guy (Jeab) who comes back to his home town and remembers his school days and his best friend (Noi-Naa). The story was simple and it took me on a delightful journey through a maze of unvisited lanes of my memory. I deliberately avoided using the word nostalgic as it takes the magical feeling away which I experienced. The natural portrayal of childhood meanness, playfulness, affection, bullying, sexism and various other complicated emotions is beautiful. A little search on IMDb revealed that the movie was directed by six university friends straight out of film school which is why the approach seems so fresh. The scenery and setting is such that I think any Asian can identify with. I don’t know how much will it appeal to the Western audience.

And there is this fat guy Dtee. A typical bully who you want to punch in the nose rightaway. But the way his character develops, it wasn't surprsing that the guy won the best supporting actor award.

Moreover, the resolution of the movie took me by surprise and I could not imagine a better way to conclude this saga.

Just A Minute

2008-12-15T17:36:00.001+05:30

I have only just a minute,
Only sixty seconds in it.

Forced upon me, can't refuse it.
Didn't seek it, didn't choose it.
But it's up to me
to use it.

I must suffer if I lose it.
Give account if I abuse it.

Just a tiny little minute,
but eternity is in it.

Anonymous

Embodiment of every graceful fancy !

2008-11-05T15:48:00.000+05:30

She was the embodiment of every graceful fancy my mind had ever been acquainted with.

She was so astounding; I thought she is unreal and just a myth.

She made me laugh, she made me cry,

She made me do things I could never try.

Then the reality struck and the dream broke.

I spent sleepless nights remembering her, with no hope.

Now it seems, countless months have passed,

She is not my present, but simply my past.

Amorous adventures I had a few,

But I could never feel the same for anyone new.

My nights are not haunted anymore; I don't go through any trial

But I still do give her a thought once in a while.

With that thought I started writing this verse.

Suddenly my phone rang! You bet; it was hers.

She is getting married soon.

Is it a curse or is it a boon? (Corny: Isn’t it? Couldn’t help it, had to make it rhyme)

May she live happily ever after.

Even if she is not with me but someone dafter :)

Happy the man

2008-10-20T14:22:00.002+05:30

Happy the man, and happy he alone,
he who can call today his own:
he who, secure within, can say,
Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.

Be fair or foul, or rain or shine
the joys I have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine.
Not Heaven itself, upon the past has power,
but what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.
--
Horace
[Odes]

Excerpt from "The Colour Purple"

2008-10-17T11:12:00.000+05:30

They call me yellow like yellow be my name.

But if yellow is a name why can't black be the same?

Well, if I say 'Hey black girl', she try to ruin my game.

Alice Walker

1983 Pulitzer Prize Winner

A girl's prayer

2008-10-03T17:02:00.000+05:30

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask 'How big's my behind?'
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead
--
A Feminist
[Found this poem in one of the forwards. Any idea who wrote this?]

Some more disillusionment...

2008-08-26T18:30:00.000+05:30

So well I've been sarging a lot successfully since my final parting but my mind is not at peace. I feel cheated.
Time for me to grow now...
I would rather just get out of the country and hope my mind will get some peace.
Gotta get a better job as well that helps me get outta here.
It's really disappointing knowing the truth about this world and realizing the absurdity. I was never prepared for it.

It doesn't really matter anymore. Pick your pieces and move on.
Good luck Nihil...

Entering the realms of purposelessness...

2008-08-14T11:34:00.001+05:30

First post should start with an introduction.
I'll try to explain the meaning of my blog name. I call myself Absurdonihilist (and sometimes Nihil) which basically comes from absurdism and nihilism. Here, I'll take some help from Wikipedia to give a general idea of both the terms.

Absurdism: Absurdism is a philosophy stating that the efforts of humanity to find meaning in the universe ultimately fail (and, hence, are absurd) because no such meaning exists, at least in relation to humanity.
Nihilism: Nihilism is a philosophical position which argues that existence is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.

I relate myself to both of them (that's absurd) and hence the name. Let me also quote one thought of mine.
“Everything in this world is quite useless; including this statement”. (And please don’t sue me if somebody else already has a ~~patent~~ copyright for it).

One can also feel some radiance of nihilism in the following sher by Ghalib:
Ghalib-e-khasta ke bagair kaunse kaam band hain;
Roiye zaar-zaar kya, kijiye haye-haye kyun.

People may label me disillusioned. Maybe I am.
Anyway, I seem to be enjoying the shallowness that surrounds us, as of now.

--
Nihil